I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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