I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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