worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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