Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
