The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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