so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
