how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it glows. i had to have it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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