Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
