so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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