he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
