I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
