this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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