a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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