There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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