im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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