my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
