Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
