In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize