I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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