Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
