So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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