I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
