I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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