fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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