Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
