I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
