Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
