just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She announced her abortion via fbk
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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