I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
