There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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