Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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