I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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