then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
