you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
