just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
