They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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