This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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