he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
