I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
