Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
