theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I need a beard to bite.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
