Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well I just put wine in my tea
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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