Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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