Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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