So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
