True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have already put on my inside pants.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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