I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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