I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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