see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
