dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
