I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
