Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
