Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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