woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
