I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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