woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
