I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
