I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you inspire me to be a worse person
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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