Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize