i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
