Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
