i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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