Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.