Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
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Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
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Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration