If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sarcasm needs its own font
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.