remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
they're staring at me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
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currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
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You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.