i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection