I am puke
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
