i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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