our cab driver is having phone sex.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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