Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
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do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
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I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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