I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
