i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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