You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
