the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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