Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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