I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
