i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
