somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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